Shifting uncomfortably

What am I trying to say? I'm scared I'll touch you. 

The other six days of the week are unecessary.

Everyone knows my name it feels like, except you. 

Moon set 

All alone

Listening to the heart throb hurt love music of this generation 

 Cut crystals 

Stab my heart

Vibrating skin

What is there to say? 

Spoiler alert: nothing, nothing and more nothing

Lay alongside me 

Not touching 

Knowing you're there

Is enough

I think

Ode to someone I do currently like

I'm trying

You can't say I'm not

You smell 

Like mint gum and maleness and old spice

Or something

And the air of you just titters me 

Makes me flighty and dumb.

I think you think that

About me, you think I'm dumb.

I'm pretty, I know that but I don't know if you know that.

Do you?

I'm pulling your thread

Trying to unravel the mystery 

That embroiders you. 

You tell me nothing until you tell me everything. 

I'm trying I'm trying

To get at you, get right pressed up to you.

Looking at all of those beard hairs like individuals

Wondering how good you smell on the surface of your flushed skin.

Wondering if I could maybe love you

Because I can like all day 

But I have to be taught to love all night. 

Ode to someone I don't really like anymore

Today

You worked

And I tried not to look

Because looking would have been a lie.

A rouse

To watch your hands

And weed through the hairs 

On your wrist

Like I was hiding, rifle in hand 

Full Metal Jacket

Stalking up your arms

On guard

Ascending the bergs that must mean I've reached the peak

Of your shoulders

Bony landmarks

Flank the roughness of a neck

Blood surging, do you know? 

I'm at your ear asking 

My verbs are veiled 

But what I would say in secret

Let me show you my proof 

I've watched your hands

Enough to know what they can do. 

I Think I Hate You

I'm scared you soured me
Lemon juice and buttermilk
Your face brings pangs
of fear
anger
desire
guilt.

I'm scared I'm soured
Fruit left out in the heat
growing new life
but no longer wanted
regardless.

I cannot recall the last time I felt fresh
not maxi pads or batches of cookies
but unknowing
ignorant
and full of possibility
without the awareness
that age
hurt
and heartbreak brings.

-----------------------------------------

Girl gang

She crawls across the sofa and pulls herself against the edge, poised to flip over and yet only succeeding in pressing her butt out and pretending to be sexy. The idea that he is there, behind her, watching every clumsy maneuver. 

She's in a hotel lobby in Honolulu, sitting pretty in a too large wing backed chair. She is so fucking beautiful and still so stubborn. She waits. She recalls the feeling of him showing up and prays to God that she gets to feel that once more. 

I want to 

I want to

I think you want to too

You watch me close

Picking up my scent

Feeling me out

You're movements

And our moments

I want you down to my sinews and bones

Teach me show me 

Touch me

Know me

I wish you could hear me calling out in the night

Begging

Begging you to be mine

Romance novels chocolate hearts and ripe red strawberries

I can't get my fill of you

I can't get my fill.

Get this off my chest

Oh boy I've got it bad. So bad I fantasize you showing up in all my familiar places. Peeking through the stacks and catching face with me, asking me what time I'm off work. Walking in to Tulie after I've already ordered and am on my way out. Waiting for your film to start at the Broadway and I'm there for the same one so we have to sit together. I see your face, your long fingers and black hair. I see you looking and wondering and I love that you tease me and give me something to look forward to. Your face is one I will not soon forget and I am aching all over just waiting for the day you will explore me, press into me, know me. I've got a list of requests for you to fulfill; tongue, touch, fingers, chest, lips, body, crease and hold. This isn't any cute crush. I want to be enveloped by you, taught by you, made to feel like you could never let me go. 

Let's get real

I am writing down the way your body's magnetic field spins me out of orbit and into your galaxy. I am trying to recall the smell of your body, the way beads of sweat make you slightly damp and in turn makes me damp. The clear brown of your eyes wrapping themselves over my blue; begging you, begging for you with every extended stare. I'm convinced of my crush, I wish I knew if you were too. Your breath on my neck, towering over me with strong, capable hands ready to be put to work. I have a job that needs doing, adjustments that need fine tuning. I was electric after our encounter. I shocked myself on nearly everything and there is no way that just happens. There's a truth to your smile and an earnestness I want to explore like the cavern of your mouth. Touch your rough cheek and whisper something sweet and tease you with my tongue. 

Do this

Oh my god it's been two weeks and I'm just foaming for him. It's not even a second thought. It is dominating and adorable. And today was perfect.  Saying my name...Jesus Christ couldn't have said it any better. He is just knee buckling charming.

Come again

Tell me once more

I couldnt have heard it 

Any better before

There's plenty to say 

And Heaven knows I'm all ears

And lips

And hips

And tears

You could touch me

And I would crack

China dolls and I

We aren't so different

I need you to say that 

Because I didn't hear you

Say it once more 

And break me all the way 

In two. 

Your hands and your mouth and all of the rest of you between my legs.

The fuss

You're so adorable I just don't know how it gets any cuter. Your shy gazes and the way you speak to me. Looking at me through the stacks, hearing you mumble out the symbols threading through your mind. I want to know if the curtains match the carpet, I want to know just how Mormon you are. Where's your VCR; let's watch home movies and kiss on the couch like white hot teens. Corner me in downstairs and get close, closer, closest. "What are you drinking?" I'm such a dork to ask that. I feel like no one likes me that much there but I feel like you do. I feel like you could come to my door later afterwards and I would answer in my underwear and leggwarmers and radiohead or something is playing. Maybe we'd stand there for a minute, maybe you would just hug me, hold me. Maybe you would take your coat off and it would land on the floor. I would probably touch your chest, pressing both hands on you to assure your realness. I feel like you are so shy you wouldn't do anything, just stand there and allow me to explore you. It's almost too much for me to take.