Wake up

I laid down for a nap at 5pm with the most pure of intentions...and an alarm set for 6:30. I just needed to rest. I awoke at midnight feeling confused and lost and I'm just going to blame it on the rain. It was also raining in my dream. It was lush and dim and rain soaked. I was going to a friends house where her whole family was there. I went up to a bedroom to change my clothes and Dave from xw was there. He begged me to kiss him and I did and regretted it immediately. He tasted thick and salty and I wanted to spit right after. I had another separate dream where I was at a huge music hall. It was beautiful and lit and gold and just so towering. Evan was there to perform and every seat was full. I sat down in the front lower loge and that Tegan and Sara song i put on his mixtape began to play. My heart was so happy because I thought he had thought about me and that song was for me. I turned to the girl next to me and smiled and sighed. I told her that I thought this song was for me. She started laughing and said "really? You know he has a girlfriend right?" She got the girl sitting next to her to turn around and she also was laughing at me. Just then, Evan came out on stage with this faceless but beautiful figure I can only imagine as "her." It seemed like everyone was looking at me, laughing at me.

 I have a wide awake thought now. I fantasize that I am at Harmon's downtown in one of their industrial chic aisles that are so well lit. I see Evan and I intentionally bump in to him. He turns and as he realizes who I am his face shows all of his emotions: shock, sadness and then pure pleasure. We talk for a minute and then it's time for one of us to walk away. We don't. We embrace for a kiss instead. And it's fucking magical and surprising and just a new feeling washes over me. I cared for you and I didn't even get to know you. Come back to me Evan. Please come back. 

Sliver

Sometimes I just want to love you. Sometimes I just want to hear you say the same. Our lives should parallel not intersect. I want to run next to you forever, not run in, hit and arc away. Hit the bell, is this round two? Round three? Who will get KO'd? No one wins unless we both get what we want. I know how I'd like it to be...our ideas of clear happiness are very different. It's hard loving an akward man.