a real human being

I was feeling pretty normal as far as feelings go. I was not bothered by the evidence of my furnace being broken when I came home last night; thank goodness for the wood stove. I wasn't pushed over the edge by the fast-talking, slicked back hair, 1950's pulp novel fantasy boys who work at the downtown Firestone telling me I had
1) a nail in my tire.
2) a right rear wheel bearing that is totally loose.
3) front struts that are rotted and apparently falling apart.
I have had my sweet baby car for almost 10 years this February and I know our time could be winding down and that makes me sad. But alas, what finally pushed me over the edge was finding out my childhood boyfriend (like 5 years old) is engaged to be married to a lovely girl. Why would this bother me? It absolutely shouldn't, I haven't seen him in over twenty years! He is obviously not into Transformers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and whatever else was the basis of our conversations back then. I guess it just feels like I will really be alone forever if only because the movies tell you that you can expect to reconnect and marry your best friend when you are old and have played all the fields. Now he is getting married and it's a wonderful thing but all I feel is the urge to drink champagne in a non-celebratory way. I'm freezing my ass off watching "Bored to Death" and feeling angry-loneliness. I have been packing my heart on ice for years, even with the last one it was pretty packed up tight. I liken my emotional path to find love as a crossword puzzle I can't complete. I keep looking at it, working toward finding the phrase that completes the whole thing and all I can muster up is a blank.