Get away, get gone. I don't hate you for anything except breaking my stupid heart. I can't even blame you anymore for that because I only made it worse making you come here. Why do we look so happy in this picture. We had gotten lost in a corn field 5 minutes earlier. We stood around with southern Maryland yokels trying to figure out the food situation in a shanty barn out in god's country. I think about your arms. Your arms always smelled good and your hair was so soft. You smelled male and clean and safe to me. You pulled me close and made a space for me in your cavity. I rattle at the thought, feel sick to even think of my body next to yours, knowing who you are now. You don't exist as a current person. That's insensitive to your memory perhaps but it's just how I have gotten on, gotten through. Your crazed paragraphs-long text rants never amused me and I might be crazy but you're fucking clinically insane. Writing nigger on my bannister like it's supposed to be humor, telling me my cat hates me when she's been with me for 13 years and you can't even fathom that kind of loyalty. It confuses you. Your stupid arms. Your stupid smell. I used to leave the door unlocked for you, thinking somehow you'd come back like the stray you always were. You didn't, you never were mine anyway...I deluded myself thinking you might have been once...maybe when that photo was taken. Yelp. How fitting, I yelped when I saw myself. Girl, wanting to get to you but not really. I didn't want to have sex with you that first night but I did because you already had my bra off. I tried to hurt you every which way I could but it didn't phase you...you only had to do one thing to hurt me and you did it perfectly, expertly. I'll cash in all my chips one day and buy myself a clue for when it comes to you. Eating donuts in bed like it's your job. You made me so sick; we are too different to ever make an equal equation. You have to do to one side what you do to the other and neither of us would cross sides. I would have followed you anywhere though. I would have breastfed our children and been a wife to you. I had decided on you and you let me down with an unfailing accuracy. I could never get you alone, you always had your girls with you. Cut to the chase now ok, it's out of my system. Remember that time you tricked me into thinking that plastic snake was real? No? Me neither.
