For A Good Time, Call...

It all started when Bre asked "Can I make you a Plenty of Fish.com account?"
Me: "Why?
Bre: "So I can troll for guys and look for people I know"
Me: "Ok sure, but you have to be completely honest!"

So it begins...

About Me:

     I'm temperamental. I like to have presents bought for me but not in a manipulative way. I want someone who has a job so they'll leave me alone while I'm at work. My ex boyfriend had a porn/webcam girl addiction so I'm totally not into that. I have friends and I enjoy going out. 

First Date 

     My perfect first date would include being picked up in a car owned by you. We would go to some place that is significant or important to you in some way. You don't ask me what I want to do the entire time. Or you can just take me to X-Wife's where you know it's cash only beforehand without being told. 

This is basically Bre and I but with a computer and multiple Iphones

And that's it! A couple of pics later and I am being bombarded by requests for godknowswhat. I had one guy write to me saying he was moving to SLC from Hawaii and he wanted someone to take care of him because he was going blind but he wanted someone attractive. Are you fucking kidding me? 

I was ready to delete it the next day but I swear I can't figure out how to just delete it, it only lets me hide it. So ok, Bre can still look for guys while no one bothers me, fine. I have a favorite past time of cruising Craigslist ads looking for guys who are brazen enough to post dick pics with their faces showing. I giggle and laugh and move on to the next one, very rarely do I actually take the initiative to respond to one because hello I am just there to look, my romantic interest is fucking ZERO at this point. My last date was totally shot to hell before it began and I still have the pleasure of running into that guy seemingly everywhere I go and even though my friends know him and what a dumbass he was to me they are still drunkenly nice to him out of pity for having unimpressed me so much. Anyway, after perusing for awhile I click on an ad that basically sounds like my love affair for my own body but it was written by a man. He is young and lives downtown so for some reason I think it would be a good idea to contact this guy. Ugh, sometimes I want to punch myself in the face. The first time B and I went out I remember thinking "What the fucking hell am I doing!? I don't do things like this, this isn't me."  but then I just fell so in love with him so quickly I totally forgot I was ever nervous about it in the first place. So I email this guy and he emails me back a short note and a pic of himself and holyfuckingshithell this is one of the guys from POF that sent me a message! What a coincidence right? You go looking in the dregs of society (ie: POF, Craigslist) and the dregs of society you shall find. He seems really forward and wants me to describe my every sexual fantasy in detail to him and I told him to "shut up because this conversation will be over if you keep up this dirty talk." I thought that would scare him off, it's amazing to me he wasn't scared off by my vivid About Me account, I guess he is thinking fat girls are easy? SO...in the spirit of true brazenness, I agreed to meet him at Liberty Park this Saturday afternoon. 
What am I thinking? I honestly have no idea. I am attempting to branch out and meet people and this isn't the way I would have planned it, it worries me he is on the internet and has craigslist ads, I can't take another person wholeheartedly in love with their computer and not me. I enlisted my cousin and friend to trail us around the park to make sure he doesn't kidnap me into his molester van. 
A girl has to start somewhere right? I am betting this won't work out and hopefully it will translate into a funny story later, there is no way in hell would I ever date someone I met online.