Working at the pyramid

Another oldie from the vault, obviously unedited.


August 18, 2011

Remember that time D told you the only reason you two stuck around together so long was because the sex was so great? And you wish so badly you would have just said "what are you talking about; actually, the sex was awful and you always smelled like cigarettes, malt liquor and sweat."

And then all those years after you picked him up at the Tiger Army show and even after Salt Lake and before he lied on Memorial Day about where he was, he said "it was you. It was always you." and how now you know that that was just another falsity he tried tricking you with. How now it's like a mirror has been put up on yr entire history and half of it is a lie and the other half never existed in the first place. You made a mirage to comfort yourself because all those times he led you to believe you were in the desert and his love was the coldest, clearest, sweetest water you had ever drunk. When you came to you had a mouth full of blood and barbs and yr intestines burned and you realize you have been eating sand and cactus for the last ten years. That was just how fucking good he was at swindling his snake oil and selling it off as love for you.

That time he told me I smelled bad, like body odor smelled bad. And I got in the tub feeling like a fucking child and crying like one too. He came in and washed me. My hair, my back and my vagina. He wanted to own me, wanted to make me feel like I wasn't in control of myself, he was in control of me and the only way I could be cleansed was if he did it for me.

Cupid says "Whoever you are, this is your master. That he is, that he was and that he will be."