Diabetes, broken hearts and being single

A lot has happened in the past few weeks. My neighbor (being old, quirky and ridiculous) told me he wanted me to meet his daughter. I said "ok" thinking "yea, ok, whatever." He then said "she's a lesbian" and I just stood there in the sidewalk, weighed down by my book bag and garbage, waiting for him to get to the fucking point. Then "aren't you one?" The most awkward silence followed and then I said "no..." and he topped off this fantastic conversation with "oh but I mean, you're single so..." Fuck my life. That's where that term came from; from some nosy neighbor making assumptions about my sexuality and dating status. It bothered me, made me feel like shit, made me feel like less of a woman, which is idiotic and untrue. I don't care that he thought I was gay, I care that he thought that because I wasn't being fucked by a man on his front step meant that I was single. So that was stupid. Even stupider was me using a date the next night to justify to myself that I am, in fact, a woman who is probably heterosexual (although now I'm like "maybe I am gay, who knows!?" So  the date was fun and great but I wasn't feeling it because I wasn't quit feeling him so much as I would have fucked him right then and there had I been given the chance. 

Baby Kitty, my beloved of over 12 years was diagnosed with diabetes and now I have to decide whether I am going to treat it or put her down before she gets really sick and then just deteriorates in front of me. I'm lost and angry and fucking hurting for her and for my selfish self who doesn't want to let her go. I don't want to. She belongs with me always and I knew she would die someday but I imagined it would be at 20+ years old with not a care in the world. She's too young for me. 65 human years is old but not that old. I just am in complete shock and I don't know how I am going to get through this. The tears keep coming and I can't manage to get anything productive done in the wake of this flood of heartache. She is my best friend and my mirror. I put so much into her and we have the same heart. Nothing  could have been done to prevent this except to have noticed earlier how much water she had been drinking lately. I love her so much. I can't do this.