Write a bunch

Write a bunch and try to care. Work at it and then give up until I see something or hear something that reenergizes me into giving it another go, living. Being alive, getting older feels more and more up hill. Staggering like the bronze sculpture projected to show me its texture; I am not emaciated so we aren't that similar I guess. 

My cat is there for me, even though I am starting to think she is the reason for the creeping hysteria. 

I love children's literature so much it hurts; unfortunately a few of my classmates are feeble minded in a way that causes me physical pain. These are people who haven't travelled, haven't experienced art and architecture and culture outside of comic-con and the Vape store. These are the kinds of people that want to infer ideas upon your children. Don't be afraid but for heavens sake read whatever you let your children read. I enjoy talking about the context and artistic approach. I'm almost terrified that I am becoming the shut in bourgeois  that I always dreamed I would be. I am Auntie Mame, I am the tragic and the party and the sparkle and the ash. 

I like math because I have to. I'm almost to that next step, if I can defeat the evil math and save the princess (me). In math, you have to save yourself. 

I still want to live in Berlin. I still want to go to Iceland. I still want to marry foreign and gypsy caravan across Asia and Europe down to Africa. I still want kittens and flowers and babies and frilly aprons. A whole team of people to love all the way. I should have been mormon. God I would have made such a good mormon pioneer woman. Is there such a thing as reincarnation? We can never know that. To know is to see it all and to see it all is to cease searching and once you stop searching your human condition is cured and there is nothing left for you in this life or the next or the last or anywhere in time.