Say what

It's so calculated the way you speak to me. The way you casually let me know that you have an ex girlfriend now (I don't believe it). What are we doing? Can I get closer to you? Too hot to touch, white sun that you are. Flip flopping my heart and confusing my brain. Can you come over? Can I take you home? Can we go for a walk? Can I watch you doing homework at the kitchen table? Yours is a family I know I could love because I already do. I knew you last but I like you the most. I still don't know why. You don't need fixing, I don't see the cracks and hurt and pain. You are aware of your upbringing and have seemingly dealt with it. Could you tuck me in? Could you get close to me? Could we be in love someday? You'll be that dad so practical who tells his kids that Santa is actually you and they will not be sad about it. No dissillusion with you, but maybe you could let me be the shine, the surprise, the magic. I bet we could.