Occupy me

I am a nasty, hateful girl. Mean spirited, jealous and sour. Cruel, angry and rude. I don't know where I come off feeling like this. I want to just push everyone right out of my orbit. I take space when I need it and I have things I love that occupy me but I'm just so angry right now and I can't understand why! Oh that's a lie, I totally can. I just want to be the only one that gets all the love and by that happening I come to resent it. I fucking don't want to be loved that much, I can't handle it. I can't stand to be smothered like that but I also can't stand him not trying anymore because he found someone else to smother. I'm so selfish and stupid. I'm unhappy right now. I don't feel like myself and I feel like I'm going crazy again and I can't explain it I just want to tear my skin off. Take a bunch of pills and pass out cold. I can't stand myself anymore I really fucking can't. I'm sick with it, my brain, heart and whole are riddled with sickness. I'm sick. I'm just sad and sick.