Facebook, caulk and other shit that is keeping me awake

I went cold turkey off of FB back in May and just recently tuned back in so I could look up a phone number of a local friend I wanted to connect with. I assumed I would feel a sense of community being "back on" now but I don't, in fact: I feel like shit about it. I hate it. I really hate how lonely and sad FB makes me feel. I read old conversations with ex lovers, friends and family and it's like bitter fruit with no respite of sweetness. The time I spent away wasn't anything glamorous or enlightening; it just felt clean and my conversations were forth rite and in person. I slept soundly knowing there were no messages to be checked, no one waiting to talk to me. I did check the profile of the boy I jilted though. He was too sweet for me, I would have taken him through the ringer and hell and would have destroyed his soul as well as his faith in women and love. He has no idea the favor I did for him by turning away from his affections. There is one man (as far as all the men i have been with) on the planet who can even begin to understand the labyrinth of nagging, demands, emotions and fighting that I will put the lesser sex through in order to make my point/get my way/make him understand. Lord knows that even then, he is still too weak to truly love me and let me just fucking love him back. Anyway.

I went to Lowes today to find some sulfuric acid for my drain fly problem and it only took about five minutes before I was looking at paint samples and deciding I would rip out and re-caulk the bathtub, paint the water closet, clean the vent and install a chandelier in the bathroom. It's not like I have anything else to do. I re-potted alllll of my house plants this afternoon and it was truly gratifying and relaxing. My living room looks more and more like a scene out of Cinema Verite' sans macramé. I walk in my front door in complete awe that yes, I live here and yes, I own this place. It is both delicious and terrifying at the same time. I never thought I would care about the most taxing of home repair projects, but I do. The only truly irritating thing are the pigeons. They scratch on the roof all damn night and it sounds like someone is walking around and scratching right above my bed. Come 5am you can here their "coo cooo coo" and I want to shoot them with a gun with every fiber of my being. I'm exhausted; the pigeons don't care. I wish it were morning, for an unemployed person who has been emotionally black listed from her chosen profession in the city of Salt Lake I sure am excited for the days offerings. I have been writing more, reading a looot more, and focusing on using my unemployment to pay off my credit cards in full before school starts in August. There is a light and it never goes out.