August 2007
She is me
I am her
She is me
I am her
I miss annie. I miss her so much I just stop breathing
thinking about her. We were connected to each other during what would be a very
important, sexy, rebellious and exciting time for me and it ultimately would
turn in to her downfall. I try I tried. I tried to say goodbye. I did I will
say it to myself over an over again I tried. She was walking while I was running.
I did all these things and she didn’t do anything. I quit cocaine with just
enough respect for myself left over to know that I had to do something. She did
more and more. Really truly though…I will never know to what extent her drug
use was going on to. I know she drank a lot. We all did then, it was our
life. Her and phil had other problems
though…on top of the drugs and alcohol. Annie was so angry and phil was too but
he was a doormat when It came to her screaming at him about whatever. I miss them
though. I never thought I could feel so belonged to anything like what I had
with them. We took each other everywhere and we branched out but still stayed
close. That winter they lived in the pirate house and they slept up in the
lookout way upstairs that fit only a mattress and tv and they took care of baby
kitty. Or summers when we would go to liberty park and drink beers and lay in
the grass and sunlight. Nights when
annie and I would watch laguna beach and lay on our couches and snuggle waiting
for phil to come home from the meat packing factory. I miss her. My red headed
cancer. She loved all things cherries and horses. Still life with woodpecker
and her dead best friend morgan, who oddly enough died on the cross street of
Pratt and Rebecca in Spokane, Washington.
It was so chance that we even met. I will never forget that.
Years later, at the end of our friendship, I was living across the street and
around the corner from the apartment we met at and exactly 1 block a 1/2 over
from her apartment she lived in and we became friends in. I was scared I wouldn’t
make it in Salt Lake. i championed it. I will always be in love to the very
core of Salt Lake City. Annie completely surrounds almost every memory I have
of it. I am so sad about leaving though, leaving her. She wouldn’t even talk to
me at the end. She wouldn’t even say anything at all to me, ignoring my calls
and hiding whatever pissed off feelings she had. I think she forgets that when
her and phil moved to Spokane, she left me behind for almost 5 months and It
felt like forever. And then she just shows up at my doorstep later with all
these homeless gutter punk kids and its all ok. I hate myself for loving her so
much. I wish I had my best friend back.
No comments:
Post a Comment