Red, white and blue ribbon

I love talking to boys. I am crass and hard and mean sometimes but golly it's nice to have boys who are friends and call and care. I used to have men who I considered close friends and who I looked to for manly advice, distance has driven us away and hurt feelings have severed the bond that bound. I push male influences away though...I never felt like one of those "pretty" girls that guys just wanted to be around because I didn't think I was that pretty. I think they liked me because I was cool... I wouldn't fawn or obsess or get mad if they just wanted to hang out and play video games. I keep men at a safe distance mostly now out of fear. I'm to loud, talkative, opinionated, abrasive, and bossy. Being friends with this person is difficult and understanding the nuances behind my behavior is for an expert in psychology. I am too much to handle sometimes. Even for myself.