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How do you find love in someone who has hurt you to the marrow and the sinews. It's unspeakable to think you have the capacity for that kind of forgiveness; and yet you do. The bombs of heartache have been going off all around me for awhile now; old friends, family members and personal failures. I don't want to believe that permanent, monogamous love is dead and buried. How defeating to think that, as a species, human men and women make conscious decisions to knowingly hurt each other by falling in love with/ making love to other men and women who may also be in a similar situation. It's a nightmare to be bothered  so much by this. I want to shrug it off and say "Hey, I'm a modern girl..." but I absolutely will not. I want someone to consider our unit sacred and cherished. There will be music and light and honesty. Sweet words and wholesome feelings. Love and challenge, it will be everything I really needed from a person, not just the stuff I wanted. I love myself, so I have to protect myself from everyone else. Just lock myself away in a tower and never worry about if anyone will come looking because they are too busy mating and caring about nothing important.